If I thought of anything more, I would race to oblivion. I’d like to see the future coming, but I’d miss you in all the rush. My here and now includes you. And you are my moment. This is almost me saying I am lost in you, not just when I roll down my notification pane to see if your name is a part of my rush, a rush to read your message, neither is it the relief when my desires are met by your lips.
When our minds lock, in a physical embrace, our speech is flecked by the intensity of our passion. The tremble of your legs and hands when the worry is in-existent in your most vulnerable, is the trust that makes me wanna sacrifice more, want more.
You stroke my ego ever so gently, knowing when to strum and when to stop. You’ve mastered the art of keeping me interested. You’ve known where to feel, when to slip, and how to lay your skin on mine. Everything you do is custom fitted, like a tailor who designs and creates a perfect suit, but still recommends the shoes to boot.
Today, I didn’t dread of a man raping me. It wasn’t a woman either. I only dreaded of your dreams. A dream of yours where I had to stand and applaud when you kissed another man. When you told me you didn’t like it but you had to. I wasn’t sad, I was content that you actually spent the night of your choice with me – your wedding night – in my dreams. It was not a dream I had while sleeping, it’s one you had when I was with you. Walking down a pier, toes covered in algae and your robe wet from the drops of rain caught in the blowing wind.
Being with you is not about pride or joy, it’s about building you, and helping me, learning from you and you nurturing me in many other ways. We can be a unit, but it’s scary. Not because it’s strange, but because it’s fiery. Intense. Extreme. It’s too good, too sweet. It’s what some parts of us have wanted for long, but which we’ve felt were not right. Time has proved different. And tonight I feel the peace I’ve rarely had, knowing you rest with me in mind, knowing that my skin seeks your touch, craves it every moment I am free – free of clothes, free of thought, free of worry. I rest knowing you are an interest awakened, a fire burning, crackling with the blowing wind. Me and you by it’s fiery flames.
I’m curious about what your diary speaks of me. I know it’s a secret you’d rather enjoy alone, which means your fantasies are quite revealing. I think our first kiss is documented therein. Your back towards the door, us in the middle of the living room. I’m not sure how long that kid had been standing there before announcing her presence. I quickly withdrew the hand around your back pulling you to me, while the one under your bra lingered a bit longer but loosely in place as we readjusted to the intrusion.
The moments that have swept us into craziness have always been stolen. They are sweet. They make us jump into our own emotions, make our skins insensitive to our needs. We have evolved from feeling to fusing. Our emotions ride on horse-backs, drive in single lanes, run in Formula One tracks and dress in pajamas. It’s a rolling ball of dreams, down the slopes of Kilimanjaro.
I’d like my ideal future to grow in you. Develop it’s strength in you. Come out of you a person, a small cute being. I’d love to hold our future in my arms, shed tears, and love truly again. I’d love that being to be your true love. A love only told by you. I’d like to be the source of it all, but it’s a twisted world. Our frames are lost in our hands, our brushes carved into our bodies. We are a soul troubled, by thoughts of the future. If it had a name, it would be Rex. Smooth with dark curly hair, but unpredictable like a sea storm.
Like a hurricane, it will spin our minds, it still does. The uncertainty of the future crawls deep in my blood, itchy but sweet. If I scratch it I’ll be hurting myself, if I don’t I’ll be validating its power. I’m fate to some, a future manifest to my parents. It’s the way our world works, the way it teaches us to appreciate our moments.
TODO 